Orphanages - What's the big deal?

I felt it appropriate to make a blog post about this because it seems to be the big topic of the week.

It is something I have also thought a lot about while in Uganda.

I want to share with you two other blog posts that I felt did a wonderful job explaining the situation

How The Christian Orphan Care Movement May be enabling Child Abandonment

Would Jesus Be Cool With Keeping Poor Kids in Orphanages?

Before I say anything I want to make it clear that I do not believe

that orphanages are "bad" or that people should stop giving money to support an orphanage.

If we didn't have orphanages there would be even more children

on the streets or left for dead.

Orphanages are vital.

and the children living in orphanages ARE loved by many people.

The care or supplies may not be perfect.

The living conditions most likely are very sad and hard to stomach.

The people working there day after day may seem hard on the outside.

But on the inside they love those children more than you realize.

So it is not far for us to criticize someone who has changed, fed, bathed, cleaned up after

hundreds of children who are not their own and continue to do it day after day.

They continue to care for and fall in love with these children who they

come to know and year after year they see these children come and go.

Some of the endings are happy endings where they have been reunited

or adopted out to a loving family.

But they also loose these children to illness and accidents.

How can we criticize them for seeming hardened. Wouldn't you be a little bit hardened?

But... that's not the point...forgive me for getting off subject.

What I wanted to talk about is how it seems that Orphanages may be encouraging

child abandonment.

This is something that I feel does need to be said and understood.

When people visit an orphanage for the first time they usually assume that all

of those children are orphaned. But honestly that's not the case.

Most of those children were actually abandoned.

The parents may be alive and well but financially or physically unable to care for the child.

Where this becomes a problem though is when people start assuming that

an orphanage is a better atmosphere for that child to grow up,

rather than in a home with their parents.

What is even more sad is that a lot of times these parents who

give up their children to live at an orphanage feel like this is their only option

They want the best for their children and feel like they can not provide

the best so they send them somewhere else.

My questions is why can't we start funding families to help the children

stay at home with their parents?

Some of you may remember my good Friday post this year?
Good Friday truly was a GOOD Friday.
I wrote about baby Daniel and his family. Daniel's father cares for him and
2 other siblings. Daniel's mother died shortly after having Daniel and
3 of Daniel's other siblings have passed away due to Malaria due to lack
of money for proper medical care. Daniel's father is now left
raising 3 children on his own, one being a new born. Do you know
how much work a new born is? Daniel's father often spoke
of bringing Daniel to Sanyu babies home because he felt that he would
have a future that way, but he clearly struggled with that decision.
He loved his baby and did not want to give him up to go
live somewhere else but financially he didn't see any other way.
During my stay I was able to give money to their family
for a nice Easter dinner and several times I was able to
come and visit and bring boxes and boxes of baby porridge.
I didn't realize how desperate the family really was until
one day coming to visit I found that Daniel was very sick.
we immediately took him down to the clinic to get medicine,
 I discovered that a week before that they had run out of porridge
and had resorted to feeding him warm sugar water.


The reality of these situations are harsh and it breaks my heart that
families that desperately want to keep their children feel they
must abandon them at an orphanage to give them a better life.

Surely if we can feed children at an orphanage can't we also feed
those children at their own homes?

Amazima is the one ministry that I know offers care for children
while still keeping them at home with their parents, I recommend child sponsorship
through Amazima to anyone.
http://amazima.org/

I plan on doing more research on other ministries that also have this option.
I do sponsor some children through Worldvision and I know they also
provide these children care while still being at home with their family.
I only just started sponsorship with Worldvision, if anyone knows more about
them please contact me! I would love to hear more about them from
personal experience.

Because I think it was said well enough the first time I want to quote Rage Against The Minivan

I recognize that orphanage life is the only option for some children.  However, I think that the overabundance of churches that are building orphanages are harmful in a number of ways:
1. They are taking in poverty orphans. I will say it again: a child should not have to be abandoned at an orphanage to receive aid. If we can feed and educate a child in an orphanage, we can feed and educate a child living at home.
2. They are focused on providing a destination to missions groups. It’s sad to say this, but I’ve heard it from numerous people: the church wants to build an orphanage so they can visit and “love on” orphans when they take short-term trips. NO, PEOPLE. No no no no. Orphans are not mission-trip props.
3. They are motivated by the romanticism of starting an orphanage and how heroic that will make them look. People want their name on the building. It motivates people to donate when they feel ownership. Opening an orphanage looks good on paper. I get it. Still not best practice.
4. They are failing to provide adequate supervision to at-risk children. Orphanages in third-world countries tend to be poorly staffed, with high child-to-caretaker ratios and a high staff turnover. It is rare than an orphanage in a third-world country would meet even the minimum standards to be a licensed childcare facility in the U.S., and yet we are somehow satisfied with sub-standard care because they are poor.
5. They are not focused on permanency planning or family reunification. I cannot tell you have many orphanages I’ve visited where the children have living parents who even visit on weekends and there is absolutely no plan in place to get the kids back home.
6. They are raising children to be ministry partners instead of psychologically healthy adults. I have often heard orphanage directors talk about how they are raising the “future generation of Christian leaders” by raising kids in an orphanage. Except that our goal for kids should be to raise them into adults with a healthy sense of self . . . and the best way to do that is in a family, not in a “future Christian leader warehouse.”

(Link to Article)




 I do believe these are things that need to be said.
 So now what are we going to do about it?
I think if we spent just as much energy as we do complaining about this broken system
PRAYING about it we would start to get somewhere.

Would you please join me in praying for these families that feel their only option is to abandon their child and that they would receive the help that they need to provide for their family rather than have their families broken apart?

Weary Travelers

For those of you who know me, you know how much I love to travel.
I become a little bit antsy if I have to stay in one place for too long and I'm looking for my next adventure. My next journey. I'm always the first person to say Okay lets do it! Now, whats next!
I don't wait on anyone to catch up.
I move at my own pace.

I become anxious if I don't have a new plan of action.
I start to get fidgety.
Then there I go jumping before the gun shot has gone off.
I'm always worried about missing my destiny.
I'm worried about missing my opportunity to do what God is calling me to do.
I think some times I get all anxious and I think I'm waiting around for God.
I think I'm waiting on him to answer me or tell me my next move.
But its just not the truth. We are never waiting on God.
He is waiting on us.
He's waiting on US to get where ever he needs us to be.
Before he picks me back up and sends me back out on my way.
He first has to brush off all the dust and clean up all my scraps and bruises.
And there I am, pushing his hand away, saying I'm fine! I got this! Let me keep going!
and God is looking at me like, "Um, no. You're not fine. You're worn out and dirty
and hurting and you're not even giving yourself a chance to heal before
blindly tripping over the next obstacle in your way. And you're trying to run ahead of me
and doing an awful job at getting anywhere."

But it's cool. Because God's kind of like that prince Charming.
You know the one who you made up in your head but in all reality
your "Prince Charming" could never be human because he's
just too perfect.

And he looks at you and you're all muddy from tripping so much.
And you have scapes on your knees and your arms hurt because you are stubborn
and you tried to pick up something that you knew was to heavy for you.

And God comes along and picks you up and his reaction is just not human.
Because human reaction would be:
" why are you such a screw up!? You're always running ahead of everything.
Making stupid decisions. Messing things up for yourself and for everyone else.
Whats wrong with you? Get your act together."
and you're just left lost and discouraged and most likely
you continue down your same destructive path
because you didn't receive any help or guidance.
Just criticism and you don't know any other way to turn.


But God's reaction isn't like that. His reaction is this:
He reaches out his hand and picks you up. He lovingly scoops you into his arms.
And says, " Listen. Just slow down for a second. Let's just rest here for a minute."
He brushes all the dust and dirt off your clothes. He sits you down under
the shade of a tree and he washes your wounds. Then he says,
" You're hurting yourself and I'm not going to stand by and watch you get hurt."
He walks out in your path and he picks up your obstacle that
was too heavy for you to move on your own and effortlessly
throws it out of the way.
He says, " Can I go ahead of you and move your obstacles and anything that
might cause you to trip. I really don't like to see you fall all the time.

You're too beautiful to be covered in dirt and bruises."

Now he might ask you to do some hard things as well.
Because he knows what is best for you.
Like he might be like, "Um hey, you know that stone you tripped on
about a mile back. Yeah, uh, well you didn't notice but
after you tripped on it you ran right over the top of someone else.
And you hurt them pretty bad, and you just kept running along
and tripping over everything and you didn't
even say sorry or anything."

"It was really a pretty sad seen there. If I were you, I would go back
and apologize for what you did to them. To be honest
they may not accept your apology because you stepped on
them pretty hard, but I think it's best if you go try to apologize.
Because you were defiantly wrong to be doing that. "

God won't discourage you. He will tell it as it is. But he will not discourage you.
He will say this is what you did wrong and this is how to fix it.
This is how you are going to avoid it in the future.

Have you ever heard the saying, " Never look down on someone unless
you're helping them up." That is exactly how God handles things.

I do a lot of traveling.
Growing up I've traveled all over the united states with my family.
Florida, Michigan, California, Massachusetts, Nevada, Canada...
Oh come on people, Canada is basically the united states.
Except more awesome... awesomer? .. Yeah I don't know.

I've always been fascinated with Europe.
My Sophomore year I went to Germany for a couple weeks on an exchange program.
Fell in love with the language
and went back the next year for the entire summer with IU Bloomington's
 Language Immersion program.

My Senior year of high school I went to Africa for the first time with my Aunt Kim.
I was excited for our long layover in London.
and as most of you know I've been going back every year since then.
Last year, totally last minute, I mean I literally had two days to decide.
I went to Guatemala on a missions trip with the youth group.

But can I be honest. There is a lot I don't know about traveling.
I don't know how to interpret the restrictions of how much luggage we are aloud to bring.
3 bags and 1 carry on, 2 bags and 2 carry ons, 2 bags and one of those counts as your carry on.
"Mam, that is not a carry on that is an oversize suitcase."
Okay, lady well you tell that to the starving children in Africa!

I don't know why the stewardess has to come out and there has to be two of them.
One to tell you the emergency routine and the other to act it out.
I don't know why they have to show us how to use a seat belt
and act like we haven't been in a car since 1965.

I don't understand why everything on an airplane has to be small.
tiny plate, tiny utensils, tiny napkin, tiny cups.
tiny pillow and tiny blankets.
There is a SMALL problem. There is going to be a SLIGHT delay. There will be a LITTLE bit of turbulence.
They're lying, about that last one first of all.

I don't know how to escape the airplane bathroom without sacrificing one of my extremities
to the jaws of the folding door.

And I don't know what to say to guys like that taxi driver in Uganda
who learned I was American and asked me if
I knew his cousin Eddie who lives in the U.S.

There is a lot about traveling I don't know.

One thing that frustrates me the most is those women that are obviously
"experienced travelers"
and they are boarding a 9 hour flight to London.
They are dressed in a nicely pressed dress skirt and top and high heels.
Their hair and makeup is perfect and they smell
like the perfume section at the mall.

Now, as for me, when I board a 9 hour flight to London.
I'm most likely in jeans and a T-shirt with my hair tied up.
because, who am I fooling, when I get off that plane
I'm going to look even more crappy than when I got on the plane.
My armpits are going to smell terrible no matter how many times I got
up to go to the bathroom and wash them and put on deodorant.

And I swear, every flight has them, that pretty lady
will walk off that plane with no wrinkle in her skirt,
her hair isn't greasy and her makeup isn't faded.
And she still smells like the perfume section at the mall.
I DO NOT understand this.

I think God wants to turn us into
"Experienced Travelers"
I mean I don't think he wants us to be
all uncomfortable in our high heels on an airplane with our hair all perfect.
What I'm saying, is he want us to be prepared
and he wants us looking and feeling good
and he wants to keep us looking and feeling good for the remainder of the flight.

He doesn't want us to be Weary Travelers
He wants us to be Experienced Travelers
He wants us to expect hard times
and know how to be prepared for when they come
He doesn't want us to be knocked down.

He invites,

"Come to me."

"All of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens.

and I will give you rest. "

- Matthew 11:28

Growing up, I always loved the band Barenaked Ladies.
Hey, don't write them off because of their title.
They were really kind of a one hit wonder.
There two hit songs in the 90's were One Week and Pinch Me.
We owned a couple of their albums though and I have always loved their music.

They have a song called Call and Answer
This past year I have been trying to change my music style around... which let me tell you is HARD
when you are a sincere music fan. I had to bite my lip when I had all my old
music deleted off my Ipod and filled it with worship music and sermons.
But that's really what I needed at the time.

But sometimes, when you are really struggling, at least for me.
I need some of my old comfort music. Songs I can relate to.
A couple days ago I was really struggling,
do you ever feel like you are so far from Gods presences and you don't understand it.
and you are begging him to draw you back in.
Because if you have experienced his presences before and especially if you have
stayed in his presences for a long period of time.
If you ever fall from Grace, and get into sin, a wall seems to go up.
and you CRAVE his presences again.
You realize just how much your happiness depends on your devotion with him.

Anyway, I had been deep in prayer for some time about this.
And I had dug out some of my old Cds.
I put on one of my mix tapes and the first song that came up was
Call and Answer

Here's a link to the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3-8gQmPvyo

The lyrics go like this:

If you call.
I will answer.
And if you fall.
Ill pick you up.
And if you court this disaster.
I'll point you home.

But, I'm warning you, don't you ever do,
those crazy messed up things that you do,
cause I promise you, if you ever do,
I'll be the first to crucify you.
Now it's time to prove you've come back here
to rebuild.

<><><><><>

I assume most of you would agree that the 23rd Psalm is
one of the most well known passages in the bible.

The Lord is my Shepard.
I shall not want.
He is a good Shepard..He's not going to let you wander around
in sin feeling lost. You may know what you WANT but
he knows what is best for you.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He restores my soul.

He is going to call you to rest in him. Trust in him.
This will give you peace that passes all understanding. He says lay down and rest in me.
You don't have to worry because I am your protector.
He rebuilds you.

Changes

My oldest brother got married!

I now have the sweetest sister in law.. Seriously, if you haven't met her yet, she is the most beautiful and sweetest girl you'll ever meet. I'm so happy for Jordan and Lucia. 

Lucia is originally from Spain. Her parents, despite the fact that they had never traveled out of country and spoke absolutely no english, flew all the way to America for the wedding. It was so wonderful to have her family there for the wedding.

Lucia dancing with her dad. 

We had the wedding in the backyard. We had a pretty cool God moment

happen during the wedding. Just after Jordan and Lucia said their vows

and just when they got to " you may kiss the bride"

Three deer walked right out into the middle of the yard. 

They were so close!

A mama deer and two baby deers, they were running and dancing around. 

It was absolutely beautiful. 

I love how God shows his presence.
The coolest part about it for me was that I had been having these encouters
 quite frequently lately. Ever since I came home from Uganda I
had been doing a lot of bible study outside or listening to Sermons on my ipod
while riding my bike or in my car worshiping,
but the craziest thing was seriously almost every single time
I was doing this I would come across a deer.
A number of times I would see a deer walk  right out into my path
as I was riding my bike or I would see one standing off in the feild
staring at me.
At first I thought oh this is cool, how many deer I have been seeing
they must really be moving around this time of year,
but then I started to realize it more and more. It would
happen so frequently that I would actually just except to see several
if I was planning to be out in nature studying, listeing to sermons or worshiping.
But then it hit me how uncommon it really probably is to be coming across these deer SO MUCH.
So I prayed about it and asked God what it all meant.
He told me. It was a symbol of His presences.
After He told me this I was even more excited to see deer.

Once while driving I was praying to myself and worshiping
and I looked out my window and there was a deer looking right at me.
 I had just turned out of my lane and it stopped and looked right at my car
and then the strangest thing. It didn't turn and run into the forest as you would except it to.
Instead it turned in my direction and began to run along with the pace of my car. Never taking its eyes off my car.

It was so cool.
God is cool, HA.

You can imagine how awesome it was to me that those deer came to join the wedding!

<<<>>>

After the wedding all of us as one big family spent the week in Michigan.. along with a 

few of Landry's crazy friends. 

After the deer incident at the wedding

we were all praying for God to show himself some more. 

You can ask my dad and brothers about the few other animal encounters 

we had after these prayers. 

But the coolest, was one evening on the beach. 

We had just come in from swimming and Landry was actually still in the water.

A storm was rolling in. 

We were all looking out at the storm clouds. 

And then all the sudden, way out in the water the clouds broke open and
a tornado came right down into the water!! It was insane. It splashed and swirled up the water. 

It was so cool to see. I ran inside to grab my phone but it lifted 

before I was able to snap a picture. 

God is so cool. If we would only pay attention to him more often. 

Psalms 145:5

On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

Lucia took this one, Isn't it AMAZING! I love how the clouds are reflecting off the water. 

walkway to the beach... I love Empire Beach in michigan.. it is so relaxing and beautiful. 

Group hug inside the visitor center.

Ty did something pretty impressive. 

At the cherry house restaurant

they have a ice cream challenge. 

No one had ever attempted it by themselves. 

He was served a huge mixing bowl full of 

12 huge scoops of ice-cream

covered in whip cream

and 4 jumbo chocolate chip cookies on the side with massive chunks of chocolate

He accomplished it! making him the first person to even attempt and he succeeded! 

..... the aftermath was not so pretty or exciting however.....

The last day before we left. I did something pretty spontaneous.. 

I got dreadlocks!!

It was a big decision and commitment 

because dreads are an all or nothing decision

once they are in and locked you can't take them out.
Well ... unless.. you want to do an extreme conditioning treament
and spend an entire day combing them out...

I've always been a spontaneous person... I've tried to rationalize my decision making

but it just never works for me. 

So, hey, you only live once right?

Luckily, I LOVE them!! 

Not sure how everyone else will feel about them but personally I dig it. 

Yes. I still wash my hair. Contrary to popular belief, dreads 

also have to be washed. 

With special shampoo. 

My biggest reason behind wanting them was Africa.

It will be super fun to have dreads in Uganda. 

I can't wait to dress them with colors and beads. 

I've already been experimenting with african hair wraps and head bands!!

<<<>>>

...Some more changes...

Landry, my younger brother, is going to college next week. 

In CALIFORNIA! 

It's a nice, smaller Bible college and he is going for discipleship.

I am excited for him.

Did I mention it is requirement for him to go on a missions trip.

I'm thinking Uganda!?!?! 

Please pray for him as he makes this new transition in his life. 

 

Well.. I think that's all I have for now.

Still praying for when I will go back to Uganda. 

Lots of love! 

Gatlinburg Tennessee!!

I spent this weekend in Tennesse with one of my best friends in the whole world. 

We both had been pretty stressed lately and so why not go relax and have some fun?

It is seriously gorgeous in Tennesse. 

God, you are so cool. 

Thank you for painting my life so beautifully. 

Just for fun ...

Here's my christian friendly party playlist:

1. Goin Down - Group 1 Crew

2. Hall of Fame - The Script Ft. Will I Am

3. Beamer, Benz or Bently - Bizzle ft. Sevin

4. Jesus Freak - Toby Mac (Gotta have this one right?)

5. King & Queens - Audio Adrenaline

6. Ready or Not - Britt Nicole Ft. Lecrea

7. He Said - Group 1 Crew Ft. Chris August

 8. Waka Waka (This Time For Africa) - Shakira

2 Corinthians 12:9 

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me

Ugly: Part 2

I love the story of Ugly.

It's a sad story but it rings truth in a broken world.

A world starved for love and acceptance.

Yet a world that pushes that love and acceptance away at all costs.

Those things are pushed away because they may come as something that seems "Ugly"

The world is so good at dressing everything up to look good on the outside.

But the real things in life. The meaningful things in life. Aren't dressed up. They are simple and plan and sometimes even ugly.
People are so use to unlove and rejection that they start to expect that.

Jesus came to love.

The story of Ugly reminds me of Jesus.

The whole world pushes him away, yet all he wants is our love and to give that love right back.

I have heard many people say things about the atheist community like

" I feel so sorry for those people."

" they are so confused, it's so sad."

Why? Why do you feel sorry for them? Why do you think they are "confused"? Why are you not giving them a chance? Why are you not loving them despite however they choose to live or believe?

It's not that atheists don't believe in Jesus. Most of them just don't believe that (Christians) have any idea who Jesus is, because we don't love how we say Jesus loved.

And it is not our "jobs" as Christians to force them know Jesus.They can seek him all on their own and Jesus WILL reveal himself to those who earnestly seek him.

Our job is to love. To be a friend. To encourage. To bless. To help. To inspire.

Our job is to let Jesus teach us how to LOVE.

How to love like Ugly did..

Like Jesus did.

He will handle the rest..


"God is love" (1 John 4:8)

“People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.”

- Mother Teresa

Ugly

Last year I read this story about a cat named Ugly
and
I really loved this story, I wanted to share it with you.

       Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat.

Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.

       Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That’s one UGLY cat!!”

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

      One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear - Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.
 

     At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain. Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

The Climb

Let me share a mountain top experience with you. literally.

3 weeks before I left Uganda, God was revealing himself to me more than I had ever experienced in my entire life.

Why was God doing this?

Because I prayed a prayer. A extremely hard and emotional prayer.
I surrender all.
I surrender my home, my family, my friends.. My boyfriend who I love to death and want to have a life with.. I surrender and I want to be obedient to you and stop being bitter and ignoring you. I want to follow your call and live in Uganda.

That same day after praying that prayer, and still feeling bitter and upset because I knew what I was losing...
But I didn't know what I was gaining..

A friend from my church came to me and told me he wanted to take me somewhere, that God wants to show me something.

We climbed to the top of a very steep hill it was a beautiful climb but it was also steep and tiring and it took effort and good physical ability to get to the top. Not everyone would have been fit to make that specific climb to the top of that hill.

Sometimes life is a climb.. Not to steal Miley Cyrus's lyrics...

Sometimes life is tiring and we can't see how far we have until we get to the top and we are living in the unknown. That's when we learn to trust on God to take care of everything.

Sometimes it takes effort and hard work to get to the top. But sometimes. When you are physically fit with the strength of Jesus Christ. It takes hardly any effort at all because he prepared you with everything that you need. He constructed every muscle in your body perfectly for that climb.

When you let Jesus take over and do all the work, then all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the climb and appreciate the view as you work to the top... I'm sorry... As GOD works you to the top.

Because why exhaust yourself by doing it all in your own strength? After all even Miley Cyrus knows "there's always gonna be another mountain" and "you're always gonna want to make it move."

Let go and let God.

This is what he has taught me. What he is still teaching me.

But let me tell you what God told me when I reached the top of that hill.

In school growing up I always struggled with body image and not being good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough and it really took a beating on my confidence and self esteem.

Only Jesus knows how much I struggled with that.

As the years go one I realize more and more that I wasn't alone in feeling that way.

When we reached the top of the hill I looked out over the whole view of Kampala and I literally gasped at its beauty. I could see from the lake all the way across Kampala. All the rolling hills and glorious clouds covering the city.

And then he said, " God wanted me to take you here and show you this, because God wants you to know this is how beautiful you are to him."

Wow. The God who created the universe and all it's glory wanted me to know that I am also his creation and I am just as beautiful. Words can't describe what this meant to me.

And God thinks that about YOU too.

Then God revealed something else to me as I was looking out over Kampala. I actually said out loud. Wow it really is beautiful. I struggled before this with seeing the beauty in Uganda. I was bitter and I didn't want to fall in love with a country that would take me away from everything I have ever known.

I'm not like most missionaries that fell in love with the country as soon as they got off the plane. It was dirty and poverty stricken and painful and smelled bad... And I had to be on guard at all times (or so I thought) ..

It wasn't home.

It wasn't comfortable or relaxed.

Looking out over Kampala that day, God said this is your new home, and my heart sank and as soon as it did. God broke my fall and I landed in his arms and my whole body was covered with peace and all I saw was beauty.

For the first time in my life. I saw beauty in Kampala. In uganda. The same beauty I saw in the children and people that I loved. But now God was showing me the beauty of the entirety of Uganda.

And I let go and allowed myself to fall in love and Jesus gifted me with Peace and Grace to endure.

I'm still learning and growing but when I let God have full control and domain over my everyday life that's where true Joy comes from. Even when times get tough and my heart starts to drift. Jesus never fails to pull me back in and lovingly shows me truth and reminds me how beautiful and important I am to him.